God’s not dead, He’s surely alive

September 23, 2013

I am ashamed to say that I am a skeptic. I don’t have as much faith as I should. When I hear people talk about God doing miraculous things, I usually think, “Well, that may have been a miracle. OR it might just have been a coincidence.”.  In the past year, God has shown me (practically hitting me over the head) that HE WORKS IN US. He can CHANGE US. Change our desires. Change our thoughts. Change our attitudes.

Here is my story…

At the beginning of last year, my husband felt a stirring in his heart for adoption. He and I had never discussed adoption, and he didn’t think that it would be something that I would consider. He decided not to discuss it with me, and asked God to put it on my heart, if it was something that our family should pursue.

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About six months later, while following adoption stories like Ashley’s and Shannan’s, a thought popped into my mind. Would we be able to adopt a child? And the answer in my head was a resounding “No way!”. It would be too hard. We’re not qualified. I’m not a good enough mom. No. Way.

A week later, the thought popped into my head again like an annoying fly buzzing around my head. This time I considered it for more than a second, but I said “No way!” again. This continued for weeks. And then a funny thing started to happen. God started to soften my heart toward adoption. I began to realize that God doesn’t need us to be perfect parents. He doesn’t expect perfection.  His heart for orphans is so evident, and I knew that somehow He wanted us to be involved in helping kids who needed us. And after a while, despite many, many fears, I knew what He was asking us to do.

When I finally told husband my thoughts, we were AMAZED that God had been working on both of our hearts at the same time. Only He could do that. It wasn’t a coincidence. It wasn’t chance. God made it so clear to us that our family needed to grow through adoption.

(Sidenote: Can I just tell you what a truly awesome and patient husband I have? He knew from the beginning that the only way I would be willing to do this would be if God put it on my heart. He didn’t force the issue on me. He didn’t lecture me about what we should do. He didn’t get impatient. He waited on God. Amazing.)

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We signed with an adoption agency called Bethany Christian Services last December and have been working on our home study since then. We took several months off the process when hubs quit his job and starting working with me full-time, and now we are nearing the end of our home study.

It has not been easy. There were some very dark days of anxiousness, doubting, and the two of us not being on the same page with the direction we felt like we should take. The struggle has been so good for us to go through as a couple. It has tested us to the core and made us stronger.

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Ultimately, we chose to do an international adoption through China. We are looking forward to adding another BOY to our family! He will likely be between one and two years old. There are so many unknowns that we still face, but we are excited to grow our family and see what God has in store for us. He is our Provider, our Refuge, our Hope, our Father.

I’ll keep you updated on the adoption process on the blog and if you have questions, please ask! I know how helpful it was for me to read other bloggers’ adoption journeys, so I want to share ours with you, too. And if you have adopted or are in the process like we are, share your story with me!  I’d love to hear it.

Oh, and if you’re wondering about the blog title, I’ll tell you a little bit about it. Last year when I started realizing that God was changing my heart and my desires, I kept hearing the Newsboys song “God’s not dead”, which talks about God living inside us and changing us. I felt like the words were talking about me.

Here are the lyrics…

Let love explode and bring the dead to life
A love so bold
To see a revolution somehow
Now I’m lost in Your freedom
In this world I’ll overcome

My God’s not dead
He’s surely alive
He’s living on the inside
Roaring like a lion

Let hope arise and make the darkness hide
My faith is dead I need resurrection somehow
Now I’m lost in Your freedom
In this world I’ll overcome

My God’s not dead
He’s surely alive
He’s living on the inside
Roaring like a lion

On one of my darkest days of doubting what God was calling us to do, I opened up Facebook and the first post I saw was someone who had posted the lyrics to the song. Over and over, God has given me reassurances that He is with us, and we can put our confidence and trust in Him. We are so excited to see how God will use this to change us and  open our eyes to the things He cares about. Oh, and we are also excited to love on that perfect little boy who is waiting for us!

So, why did we decide to adopt? The simple answer is this: Because He asked us to. How could we possibly say no?


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