It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at the Ronald McDonald House by myself since Hubs went home to be with the kids, and I’m wondering where in the world the last ten days went.

It all seems like a dream. Not a good dream but not a nightmare either. When I start to feel sorry for myself, I just look around and see all the hurting people around me and my life starts to look pretty good. Really good, actually.

Ten days ago I took Violet to the hospital thinking that we would be there for just a few hours. I never would have imagined that it would take this long for her to recover from what I thought was a bad cold.

The past few days she has made slow but steady progress. Yesterday her oxygen tube came out and she did really well breathing on her own. Her feeding tube also came out and she took a bottle like a champ. And they let me hold her for the first time since leaving the other hospital!

This morning the doctor told me that as long as she doesn’t have any issues, she will probably be discharged tomorrow! Such GREAT news!

I spent the day beside her bed as I have for the past ten days, and it was the first day that she really started to look more like herself. Especially since all the tubes have been taken off her face. She smiled so easily and didn’t have the horrible-sounding cough and raspy-scary breathing like she used to.

It was really hard for me to leave her hospital room tonight. Harder than any other night. I feel so guilty and sad about her spending the night in the hospital room all by herself. I think it’s because she looks so much more healthy now and it just doesn’t seem right for her to be there. In my head I know that the nurses will take good care of her, but nothing is better than the love of a mama, right?

Last night was New Year’s Eve, and we spent it at the Ronald McDonald House with some good friends who came to spend the time with us. We didn’t really feel like going out to celebrate. It’s been really, really hard for me to be away from the hospital. Seems like my heart is ripped out every time I leave my baby.
But hopefully tomorrow will bring good news, and we will be able to take her home! I know that there will be adjustments for all of us, but I’m ready (I think) to get started and get back to normal! The one good thing about the experience is that I’ve had lots of time to just sit and read and it’s forced me to s l o w d o w n. And appreciate the little things in life instead of stressing about everything that I want to accomplish.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings!

January 01, 2011 — Aimee Weaver